pessimism, unleashed and wandering directionless in the void

So.

Re: Female student we'll call Dee.

Dee has been absent from my class every single day (MWF class) since Oct. 16, except for Oct. 25...

On Nov. 29 I received this email:

Mme. S-
I was in a car accident about 3 weeks ago which resulted in me having to have surgery on my knee. I told my mom to email all of my professors but I got the distinct feeling she didn't get all of the right addresses so I don't know if this is all old news to you... I know we have orals coming up and I will be able to go to class Friday to hopefully sign up. Thank you so much for your time.


Couldn't have been THAT distinct a feeling if it took three weeks to sink in... But I digress...

So the supposed accident was approx. Nov. 5, and I think we're pretty safe substituting "I told my mom... news to you" with "In addition to my accident I've been suffering from a stubborn case of cranal-anal inversion and so had no idea that it was my responsibility, and not my mother's, to email my professors or to make sure that any emails I asked others to send did indeed reach their destinations." She went on to say that she would discuss her make-ups (I LOVE it, as you know, when they ASSUME they have some automatic privilege to make stuff up! That just tickles me, truly!!) with me in class that Friday. She also asked about the oral interview which (wonder of wonders) she knew was coming up.

I guess I was having a terse day so this was my response, in its entirety:

Dee,
You are already signed up, as per my email to everyone on Nov. 16. Go to my page to see the times.
hth
Mme S

sidenote!
I love how "hth" can make it seem like you care,
like you even Give a Shit, when really it can
simply mean "hope this helps get you off my back"
or "hope this helps me get thru this semester
and away from you lamos"
:)

I saw no need in going on to say that in order for her to be able to make-up anything at all I would need medical documentation expressly stating that she was advised not to attend classes, with exact dates (last I knew crutches were still allowed on campus and there are plenty of other students with injuries hobbling around - I was one of them my freshman year way back when for that matter when I had my ankle in a cast for 6 weeks, so Boo Hoo, etc.) as well as a copy of the email sent out to various other instructors by her mother so that I could give her credit for a good faith effort in trying to contact me... I figured I could wait and discuss any of her imaginary attempts at conscientiousness in person, you know? (Oh! I hear you tsk-tsk-ing... Right, 'cause, until just then you didn't know, did you?!: I'm entirely pessimistic and jaded! Hellooooo!!)

Ha! Well, you're not going to feel so smart when I tell you that she did not come to class that Friday, nor did she come to her interview day before yesterday. I figured she realized she was SOL^{88374615374859983} and had decided to cut her losses, maintaining a nano-iota of dignity in the process by avoiding confrontation with the Cold Hard Truth chez Yours Truly.

But, alas, I was mistaken.

This met me today in my inbox (sent 12/7, 4:54pm):


Mme S-
I've been to our classroom and your office today to do my oral since I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. There doesn't appear to be anyone around so I'm really worried. Please let me know if I misread the make-up for the oral- I thought you said it had to be done by 5pm today. Thank you. -Dee

The fact that I'm having more and more trouble being diplomatic in my dealings with Gigantically Lameass Students will be pretty apparent below to those of you who know me best:

hi Dee,
You did not misread re: the make-up, but it didn't mean that I would be waiting around to do make-ups for people - I assumed anyone missing it who needed a make-up would understand the importance of contacting me ASAP via email or in office hours. As has been the case all semester, if you guys need me you can be sure of my being here during office hours; any other time you have to contact me to schedule appts.

As stated in numerous places, I was here 9-11 yesterday morning and since classes are over for the semester, I was not in the classroom. (In fact I was in the office from approx. 12pm to 2pm also.) I think you had ample opportunity to contact me about this, either during office hours Weds. or Thurs. or via email. (Even if a student can't make office hours you all can always email to give instructors a heads-up or you could call the office or something if you can't be there in person so that they at least know what is going on.) Consequently the deadline stands and I'm afraid you will have to take a zero on your oral.

Mme S

The Crux
Fucking hell. I just wish -- I truly wish with a large portion of my being -- that this absolute crap behavior re: one's academic responsibilities were not so very bloody

TYPICAL!

O, would that it were as rare as it was 15 years ago! But these examples I cite here, the blow-off stories anyway, with very few exceptions, are unfortunately not very rare at all. Some of them might be a little funnier than others or a little more surreal but utter irresponsibility in general is truly becoming the norm.

Sigh. And so it goes.

I don't have some huge witty way to sign off or to tie up my meandering tirade in a nice bow. It does me good to spout here, but I obviously don't have any answers or this blog wouldn't (need to) exist. I guess if occasionally I or anyone visiting can extract a few chuckles here and there, maybe even an occasional guffaw (drugs on the ground anyone?) then it's a good thing. But the day when this tome could be entirely devoted to student wackinesses, rather than being an outlet for venting about their nearly default faineance (an outlet that is almost literally necessary for my continued sanity, such as it is), would be a very good day indeed.