I don't put a lot of journally entries on here but this is one so you might want to go on to your next favorite periodic blog stop...
WELL the first crappy thing of the semester comes not from a student but from my ex-supervisor. And I guess it's not all THAT crappy but just makes me feel icky and marginalized and loop-left-out-y... SOMEONE proceeded to create bunches of new tools and features on SOMEONE'S WebCT site for the first year course and even tho SOMEONE told a mutual acquaintance that she would be sharing that stuff with others, she never did so or at least not with me.
Now for the part where you will I'm sure want to shout "sour grapes!" from the top of your lungs... In fact I like my syllabus and my WebCT site just fine except for some minor adjustments I am making, plus several things on my course are too different from hers to implement much of her stuff (at least based on what I saw during a peek with the language lab director a month or so ago when the new WebCT course was still getting fleshed out); my grade breakdown and test procedures and testing frequency and how I do my orals are all considerably different from hers.
Yet I reserve the right to be a little miffed at the sheer lack of communication. I know... even tho I don't really respect her as a person and even tho I really wouldn't have expected her to be super in-touch with me plus during all the Summer 05 Seminar Shit she made it pretty clear what little esteem she held for me as well.
Truth is she can get my ruff up better than most people I've known, certainly much better than anyone else here in BFELA.
Sigh.
I just realized a big reason why teaching went so well last semester; she was on sabbatical. And even tho she is not in charge of us anymore (the faculty decided last December that as mature MA/PhD holders we could probably be trusted managing our own classes!) I guess I'm still going to be weirded with her around.
Which, I admit, is wholly my problem and really has nothing to do with her. Sometimes I think it's some leftover regression thing my head does when confronted with authority, especially professorial authority since I'm a lowly Master's-holder (said with irony altho not a huge amount) and have never come to regard any of the profs as colleagues instead of superiors. Then there's the fact that for all intents and purposes she really was my superior around here the first 3.5 years. Then there's the fact --is this an American thing? or just a whiny self-conscious female I'm-supposed-to-be-friends-with-everyone thing?-- that it just bugs me when someone thinks ill of me (especially, as in this case, when I in no way deserve it) -- even if it's someone who (now) has nothing to do with my job AND someone for whose interpersonal practices and communication I hold so little respect myself.
Which is why this crap should not surprise you in the least, either her behavior or your reaction to it.
Yeah well... wisdom is always cheap for alter egos who only respond in the ether of diaryspace.
Gah!
I guess if I can't get over this, or whatever other shenanigans go on with her this semester, I'll just keep focusing on the fact that she NEVER washes her hands after she uses the toilet. (Seriously. I have been in there myriad times to hear her on each and every occasion clickclack her way directly from stall to hall with nary a stop at the oh-so-handy sink and soap dispenser.) So there. Now no one can say I don't look at the bright side. Sure, someone's probably spreading staff infection around our building but at least I can feel superior since I know how to wash.
And no, I absolutely did not make that up, and even tho it IS indeed petty to mention it, where she's concerned, I'll take my (whiny, catty) victories wherever I can get them.
No comments:
Post a Comment