Midterm today which went a bit funky for various reasons, not the least of which was my extreme fatigue due to having blown it off til super late last night, but oh well... it worked out OK, I just felt a little disconnected the whole time...
Anyway this one student, (we'll call her) Samantha, asked the meaning of a word they're supposed to know. I weakened and told her because she drives me so crazy. She's completely clueless but somehow that's MY fault. It's hard to describe her, especially when she is the only person I've ever known who can pull off being simultaneously pitiful and pert. She has had 3/4 of the semester to hone her victim-y, Mme-S-is-always-down-on-me, I-never-know-what-we're-doing, much-less-where-we-are, but-that's-not-MY-fault persona. I have been excruciatingly patient with her the whole semester - no idea how I've managed, frankly. I deserve a fucking medal.
Oh calm down: I'm not a total ogre, contrary to my less positive side in here at times. I do know that some students manifest their language anxiety by being sullen and pathetic and whiny, which is why I've given her the benefit of the doubt the whole (frigging putain) semester. However, I do much better with people who take me up on my infinite offers of help and/or show some initiative and responsibility concerning the challenges before them in this course than I do with those who sit around glaring at me with their pouce up their cul...
So there are times when I'm fed up and just can't figure out why she can't take at face value the fact that French is really hard for some people and she's one of them instead of acting hostile and wearing out her Woe Is Me hat. Sometimes it's really quite tempting to stop controlling myself and being all diplomatic. I just want to shake her and yell, "Suck it up - it's YOU! Not ME! French is hard for you and that's not my fault so you can stop cutting your eyes at me every time I ever-so-gently correct something you answer in class on those rare occasions when you are absolutely obligated to participate.... Putain de merde! How about coming to office hours for help or asking me for advice once in a bloody while?!"
Good thing most of my crop this semester is quite positive, if you don't count the general meek but at least not belligerent apathy of the 9h's. Hey, take your victories where you can.
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